Sometimes people make comments without even realizing their impact on other person. Few days back I was at Kohl's with my daughter, Aditi. I was waiting for my turn at the checkout line. Aditi was so excited because I bought a toy for her. So she was happily humming a song. The lady behind me, who I have never met, gave a compliment that my daughter looks so cute and she is so sweet etc. After I thanked her she asked me if I have only one. I said yes and she asked me when I am going to have one more and then she started giving me suggestions that I should have one more so my daughter can have company. I just gave a smile because I didn't want to be rude to her and tell her its none of your business. She doesn't know what I went through during my pregnancy. ( I had eclampsia so they had to do emergency c-section and take Aditi out. She weighed only 750 gms when she was born . She was in NICU for 3 months and till she came home we weren't even sure if she will make it. I didn't even know I had baby for couple of days because I was unconscious cause I had seizures.)
Few days later, a friend of mine ( who was well aware of everything) told me that I am being SELFISH because I am only thinking about myself and not thinking that Aditi might be feeling lonely and I wanted to tell her " wow thank you so much for making me feel so good with your kind words. That really gave a boost to my guilty feelings. "( Aren't friends supposed to understand and support you?) Of Course I didn't say all that to her because I have a problem: I can't say rude things back to people even if they hurt me. I can't hurt them back. I just told her that we have kind of accepted the fact that we are going to have only one and to make it up to Aditi we are going to try to spend as much time as we can with her, put her in classes, have play dates, travel etc. She probably said that stuff without realizing the impact of that comment on me. She probably didn't say it with an intention to hurt my feeling. I will give her that benefit of doubt.
But why are people so curious about other's lives instead of focussing on their own. And what's up with all these questions. First they ask when are you getting married? As soon as you get married they ask so when are you going to give the good news about baby? Once you have the baby then they ask when are we planning to have second one so the first one can have company. Things don't stop there. Questions follow even after you have your second baby. If you have two boys then the question will be 'are you going to try for a girl baby?' If you have two girls then the question will be ' are you going to try for a boy baby to carry the family name forward?' Apparently you are a complete family only if you have a boy and girl. Nonsense. Enough with this nosy business. Does it even occur to them that the person you are asking these questions might be having hard time already with their situation and you are just making things worse for them.
I hope I never asked anybody these kind of questions and I most definitely will not and finally a piece of advice: